


Wingman

by LunarExo



Series: Johndaveweek 2018 [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, johndaveweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15207971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarExo/pseuds/LunarExo
Summary: A ruffle of wings fluttering to stillness, a clearing throat, and then a grating voice going, “HEY. HELP ME OUT HERE.”





	Wingman

It’d been a relatively normal day, initially. John had woken up, showered, and dragged himself out of bed. He had no work today, but his Dad had asked him to go pick up some groceries from the farmer’s market. On the way back he’d stopped to get himself a sandwich, sitting at a nice picnic bench. He was going through the food he’d got when he heard it.

A ruffle of wings fluttering to stillness, a clearing throat, and then a grating voice going, “HEY. HELP ME OUT HERE.”

Immediately John had turned to glare, only to find himself face to face with a crow, talons dug deep into his poor ham and cheese sandwich. “Oh, come on, that was my lunch!” 

The crow turned its head, as if analysing him, and then slowly stepped off of the sandwich, turning to preen a wing for a moment. “SORRY.” There was the distinct sound of throat clearing then, and John’s situation went from ‘oh god, this bird knows a few words,’ to, ‘oh god, this bird can actually talk,’ when the crow stared up at him and confidently proclaimed, “I need your help here bud. Think you can spare a moment to help a feathery fucker out?”

“Uh… Maybe? What do you need?” He stared dejectedly at his sandwich, before tossing it into the bushes for something else to eat.

The crow watched the sandwich go, but then hopped freely across the table, before stopping right in front of John, “I’m cursed. I was a hot guy once, and I need a kiss to get that hot guyness back before I get fired from my job for going MIA.”

“So you’re telling me that you got cursed.”

“Yep.”

“Was it by an old lady?”

“She wanted my sandwich…”

“And you didn’t give it to her?”

“It was _my_ sandwich! I ain’t made of money here dude, I was working minimum wage and now I’m working fuckin’ bird wage! I ate a bug this morning!” 

“Alright, alright! So you denied an old lady her sandwich opportunity, and she turned you into a bird?”

“That’s pretty much it. Damn you’re a smart one, that only took five minutes to get through your head.”

John flicked the bird in the beak, watching him caw impudently in response. “It’s not that, dumbass. It’s just… This is pretty _Princess and the Frog_ -like, you know? Or _Beauty and the Beast_ , or, fuck, even _Shrek_ , and I don’t know if you’ve seen those movies—”

“Of course I’ve seen Shrek you pretentious dweeb—”

“Okay, shut up! So then, you should know this kiss won’t work, because we aren’t in love. True love’s first kiss, birdboy! And I don’t even know your name!”

The bird was preening his wings again, and if birds could look exasperated then he’d nailed it. “It’s Dave. So, is that a no for the kiss thing? ‘Cause you’re real fun and all, but I’m a _bird_ , and I want my body back real fucking bad.”

“My name’s John. And I’ll kiss you! But I’m telling you, it isn’t going to work.”

It was weird, holding his hands out for Dave. His talons were a little bit sharp when he stepped onto John’s hands, especially when he clenched as John lifted him up. Dave looked a little nervous about the whole situation, and John felt stupid and goofy, but that didn’t stop him from pressing a tender little peck to the side of his beak, holding him steady as he did.

When a minute passed and Dave was still a bird, John gently put him back down. “I’m sorry. But I told you it wouldn’t work!”

Dave stepped sadly back onto the wood, and then turned to look at John, nuzzling against his still outstretched hands “Be my wingman.”

“Uh… What?” He scritched the side of Dave’s head idly.

“You’re the only guy who took the damn time to give me a smooch. So, you know, help convince other people I’m cute and lovable, gotta find my soulmate. I’ll get you a new sandwich.”

It’d been a normal day. But now John found himself picking a talking, probably-cursed bird up, putting him gently down on his shoulder. “Okay, fine. Get me the _best_ gas station sandwich you can, let me stop at home to put the groceries away, and I’ll take you down to the pier to help you pick up your true love so you can be a hot guy again, or whatever. 

As he stood up, he heard a sigh of relief, and then felt the gentle bump of a head against his own, Dave settling in comfortably on his shoulder. It was endearing, and John ruminated on how he could use Dave’s cute bird visage to his advantage. Maybe this wouldn’t be so hard after all.

**Author's Note:**

> im going to finish this, i promise. i will if my life depends on it.


End file.
